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my work experience by dennis dennis

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the apprentice doctor

1st Year – 1988

A hopeless match.

Tuesday 27th December 1988  Portmere vs. Flint Town 16:15 It should have been an easy win. It was a home game against Flint Town who were second from bottom in the league. Declan and I wanted to relax but Dad

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Compression hoisery.

Saturday 24th December 1988  Christmas Eve 23.00 Mum doesn’t like stockings and she refuses to cut a good pair of tights in half. Every year, Dad brings home some compression hosiery for Declan and I to use. Usually, we each

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Odd socks.

Thursday 22nd December 1988  Morning surgery 10.00. My Dad had always expected to marry a woman who darned socks.  Dad’s Mum, my grandmother, darned socks. Dad’s own grandmother darned socks. Mum never darns socks. If Dad’s socks are beginning to

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Nearly midnight.

Thursday 15th December 1988  Nearly midnight. I have been to the toilet again. It’s the third time since I got into bed. Having an enlarged prostate must be worse than having a baby!

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My own prostate.

Thursday 15th December 1988  Mathmatics lesson 15.45. I think my own prostate is enlarged. I had to go for a wee seven times in Maths this afternoon. Each time, I could hardly pass anything. Mum made me drink two pints

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An enlarged prostate.

Thursday 15th December 1988  Morning surgery 09.38. We saw a man who couldn’t have a wee. He had struggled to go on Monday and Tuesday. Since Wednesday night, he hadn’t managed to pass a single drop. He was bursting. He

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Vertigo.

Thursday 8th December 1988  Home visit 12.36. Zoe, Chloe, my Dad and I were called to see a woman with severe vertigo. When we arrived at the house we found her lying face down in the hall. If she moved

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Laughing gas.

Thursday 1st December 1988  Wart clinic 16.15. Mrs Vaughan had a large wart on her arm. As I started to freeze it, she began to giggle. “Are you alright, Mrs Vaughan?” “Of course, Dennis.” She laughed. The more I continued

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It’s just a normal sore throat.

Thursday 24th November 1988  Morning surgery 09.30. “It’s just a normal sore throat.” My Dad, Zoe, Chloe and I had all had a look at Michael’s tonsils. “What do you mean? A normal sore throat?” “Well, Mrs Morris. It is

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Zoe and Chloe.

Thursday 17th November 1988  Morning surgery 08.58.                   Two medical students, Zoe and Chloe, were starting in the practice today. My Dad had obviously forgotten that they were coming. He was quite

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Diabetes in a nutshell.

Thursday 10th November 1988  Morning coffee break 11.45. “I think that I might write a patient information leaflet, Dennis. I thought I would do one on diabetes.” Don’t, Dad. “They recommended it on the communications course.” Don’t, Dad. “It takes

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An ethical dilemma!

Thursday 3rd November 1988  Morning surgery 09.50. We saw a Liverpool supporter today with a really bad chest infection. My Dad thought that it might even be pneumonia. I knew that he was a Liverpool supporter because he was wearing

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Mum made Dad buy some safety equipment.

Thursday 27th October 1988  Wart clinic 16.00.                 I’m back on liquid nitrogen. A small boy asked for me specifically. He said that I was his doctor and he wouldn’t let anyone else

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I don’t want the pink medicine.

Thursday 20th October 1988  Morning surgery 11.00. “I don’t want the pink one. I don’t want the pink one.” My Dad’s consulting room door flew open and little Terry Turner charged in. He saw my Dad and me, stopped dead

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Compulsory, military style training for all those junior doctors.

Sunday 16th October 1988  After breakfast 10.12. On a Sunday morning, after breakfast, my Dad likes to look through the papers. He reads out interesting stories to Mum. Of course, she finds this annoying. “Listen to this, Daphne. The health

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A recliner armchair with thick, spongy cushions.

Thursday 13th October 1988  Home visit 13.08. “I am sorry, Sister, that is completely unacceptable. Mrs Anderson is 93 years old. She spent two days on one of your trolleys last time she came into hospital. Her back was awfully

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Lub dup . . lub dup.

Thursday 6th October 1988  Morning surgery 09.40. “I can hear Mrs Pryce’s heart, Dad. Lub dup . . Lub dup . .” “Excellent, Dennis, at last. I was beginning to think that young Dennis was going to have to give up

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Very high blood pressure.

Thursday 29th September 1988  Morning surgery 11.20. I am glad to say that my Dad seems to have forgotten that he ever went on the communication course. He is back working on his usual need to know basis. “Look, Mr

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High blood pressure.

Thursday 29th September 1988  Morning surgery 10.20. My Dad has just been on a communication course and decided he was going to try to explain the meaning of high blood pressure to one of his patients. “If someone’s understands exactly

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Packed full of hard, greenish-brown wax.

Thursday 22nd September 1988  Morning coffee break 11.45.                   It was Dr Lois Lewis who discovered what was wrong with Dad’s stethoscope. Both earpieces were packed full of hard, greenish-brown wax. “It

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Periods.

Thursday 15th September 1988  Morning surgery 11.20. We had a really awkward consultation today. A woman came in and started telling us about her periods. I went bright red and felt sick. I thought that my Dad handled it really

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Dr Dennis Dennis.

Thursday 8th September 1988  Morning surgery 10.30. My dad has started introducing me as Dr Dennis Dennis. It’s really embarrassing. Patients keep asking me when I’ll qualify or what I intend to specialise in. Will I take over from my

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More work experience.

Thursday 8th September 1988  Morning surgery 09.00. Dad is more practical than I thought!

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Sunstroke.

Tuesday 30th August 1988  Breakfast 10.00.               Dad always makes the most of his Greek, buffet breakfast. Today, he has chosen Greek yogurt with honey, a peach, slices of salami and ham, soft goat’s

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Sunburn.

Friday 26th August 1988  Agia Galini 12.00.               Even though we were supposed to be on holiday, Dad and I had to deal with two cases of sunburn.

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30,000 feet.

Saturday 20th August 1988  German air space 13.31 Is there a doctor on board? “Go on, Dennis. You go.” Declan sniggered and I elbowed him firmly in the ribs. Dad did not react. He seemed completely absorbed in his book.

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My last post?

Wednesday 17th August 1988  Morning coffee break 11.45 This will probably be my last day of work experience. On Saturday, we are all going on holiday to Greece. Mum says it will do me and Dad good to have two

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Hay fever.

Wednesday 10th August 1988  Morning surgery 10.35. “Dr Dennis, this hay fever is unbearable!” “Come on, Melvyn. I would never describe hay fever as unbearable. In fact, I am not sure why you have come to see me. Most of

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You can call me Lois, Dennis.

Wednesday 3rd August 1988  Morning coffee break 11.45. “Dennis, you can call me Lois.” I couldn’t do that. It did not seem right. But, every time I called her Dr Lois, she thought that I’d said Dr Lewis and looked

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My sprained ankle.

Monday 1st August 1988  Morning surgery 09.55. I really like Dr Lois Lewis. My dad had asked her to look at my ankle. I had sprained it playing football. To start with, she was shocked at how bruised it was.

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Aortic stenosis.

Wednesday 27th July 1988  Morning surgery 11.10. “Dennis, it is a classic case of aortic stenosis.” “I can’t hear it, Dad.” My Dad took a deep breath and raised his eyebrows. “It is one of the easiest heart murmurs to

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Housemaid’s knee.

Wednesday 20th July 1988  Morning surgery 10.30.                   “I don’t think that you should keep looking these things up, Mrs Vaughan.” My Dad had just finished examining Mrs Vaughan’s knee. “Why not,

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It’s good news, Mrs Pettifer!

Wednesday 13th July 1988  Morning surgery 09.20. I always thought that if you went to see the doctor and the doctor said that there was nothing or, at least, nothing serious wrong, you would be pleased. A lot of our

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No chance!

Sunday 10th July 1988  After dinner 19.30. My Dad wants me to do a night on call with him. No chance!

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A weekend on call.

Saturday 9th July 1988   Lunchtime 13.00. My Dad hates weekends on call. Once a month he works all day Friday, all day Saturday and all day Sunday. My Mum says it makes him bad tempered. He is alright during the

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A job in Ashbury Lodge?

Wednesday 6th July 1988   Morning coffee break 11:45. “You must apply for a job in Ashbury Lodge, Dennis.” “Dad, I am not going to work in a nursing home.” “You’ve got to do some voluntary work if you want

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A healthy plate.

Wednesday 29th June 1988   Practice nurse clinic 10:00. I am sitting in with Harriet, the practice nurse, today. Our first patient is a very overweight lady. Harriet shows her a picture of a healthy plate; a neatly arranged plate

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He had forgotten his wife’s cousin’s birthday.

Wednesday 22nd June 1988   Morning surgery 10:40. Today, we saw a man who was worried about his memory. He spent 10 minutes (a whole appointment) telling us everything he had forgotten in the last 3 days. He had started

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I find it very irritating.

Wednesday 15th June 1988   Morning surgery 09:40. “My name is not Dr Desmond, Mrs Parry. It’s Dr Dennis, Dr Desmond Dennis.” “I am sorry, doctor.” “Yes, people often call me Dr Desmond and I find it very irritating. It’s

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Happy birthday, Dennis!

Tuesday 14th June 1988   After dinner 20:15.                 Today is my fourteenth birthday. I had asked my Dad for a typewriter but he bought me an auriscope. Declan got me a box

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I really don’t like piles.

Sunday 12th June 1988   After dinner 19:30. I told my Dad that I thought I had piles. He just laughed. “Dennis,” he said. “Doctors in training always think that they have got terrible illnesses. I thought that I had

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I don’t like piles.

Wednesday 8th June 1988   Morning surgery 10:25. I don’t like piles. One of my teachers came in today and, as it turned out, he was suffering from piles. After my Dad examined him, he insisted that I had a

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Another case of indigestion.

Wednesday 1st June 1988   Morning coffee break 11:45. My Dad has just seen another man with indigestion. We were all very concerned. Mrs Andrea Jones, the practice manager, rang up halfway through the consultation to check that everything was

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They wouldn’t let anything like that happen.

Wednesday 25th May 1988   Morning surgery 09:50. “Hallo, Mr Rhys. How are you?” “I’m fine, Doctor. You wanted to check my blood pressure.” “Yes, I did, didn’t I? How is Mrs Rhys?” “She is improving. She’s not bad at

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A huge, angry boil.

Saturday 21st May 1988   Portmere vs. Welshpool 14:30.                   It was Portmere’s final game of the season. A tough home fixture against Welshpool. Declan and I settled into our seats. I

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Is he dead, Dennis?

Sunday 15th May 1988   After dinner 19:00. “Is he dead, Dennis?” My Dad was getting impatient. Declan frowned. “Of course not, Dad. He’s fine.” I pressed the stethoscope more firmly against Declan’s chest. “Well, if he’s not dead, you

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A great idea!

Wednesday 11th May 1988   Morning coffee break 11.45. I told Dr Lewis that I wanted to be a sports journalist. She thought that it was a great idea.

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Dr Lois Lewis.

Wednesday 11th May 1988   Morning surgery. I had been hoping for a day off. My Dad was going to a conference in Cardiff. “I have arranged for you to sit in with Dr Lewis, this morning, Dennis. It will

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Scabies.

Wednesday 4th May 1988   Morning surgery 10:50.                   Scabies is worse than chicken pox.

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Health & Safety!

Thursday 28th April 1988   Wart Clinic 17:00. Health & Safety! I can’t do the warts any more because I sprayed someone in the eye. He was a wriggler so it wasn’t really my fault.

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Croup.

Wednesday 20th April 1988   Morning surgery 09:05. Croup is a completely different kettle of fish. Imagine that you are 4 years old. You have had a slight sore throat and a cough. Your voice is a bit croaky. Apart

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A happy wheezer.

Wednesday 20th April 1988   Morning surgery 09:00. Happy wheezers are great. They are usually about 2 years old. They’re coughing. They’re puffing away. Their noses are blocked or full of mucous. Their Mums are in a panic but they

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How do you know it’s not sciatica?

Wednesday 13th April 1988   Morning surgery 11:45. “How do you know it’s not sciatica, Dr Dennis, if you haven’t checked my reflexes?” “The pain sounds muscular, Mrs Vaughan. It does not sound anything like sciatica.” Mrs Vaughan smiled at

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A painful toenail.

Thursday 7th April 1988   Minor surgery 15:15. Of course, the excision of the sebaceous cyst made my Dad late for the toenail resection. He hates being late and didn’t wait for the local anaesthetic to work properly! By the

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A difficult sebaceous cyst.

Thursday 7th April 1988   Minor surgery 14:00. My Dad was performing minor operations this afternoon. He had a sebaceous cyst to excise from the top of someone’s head. It was about the size of a malteser. It took him

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Confidentiality.

Sunday 3rd April 1988   After dinner 19:00. My dad has always had this big thing about confidentiality. You would think he was some sort of secret agent. He would never tell me who he had seen in the surgery,

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I couldn’t hear a thing.

Wednesday 30th March 1988   Morning surgery 10.00.                   My Dad taught me how to use the stethoscope, today. I couldn’t hear a thing.

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An unexpected death.

Wednesday 23rd March 1988   Morning coffee break 11.45. Yesterday, we had an unexpected death. Brian Blackwell was only 39 years old. All the staff at the surgery were very upset which is why we discussed it over coffee. My

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Trichotillomania.

Wednesday 16th March 1988   Morning surgery 11.00.                   Patients with trichotillomania continually twist or pull at thier hair until it comes out in clumps.  

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A cough for two hours!

Wednesday 9th March 1988   Morning surgery 09.40. My Dad is furious. He saw a patient this morning who had had a cough for two hours. He couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t a particularly bad cough. The man seemed quite

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Constipation.

Wednesday 2nd March 1988   Morning surgery 10.30. We saw a woman with constipation right after we saw the man with diarrhoea. My dad did not seem all that interested. “When did you last go?” That was all he asked.

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Diarrhoea.

Wednesday 2nd March 1988   Morning surgery 10.20. My dad is always asking people stupid questions about diarrhoea. How many times did you go today? How many times did you go yesterday? Was there much each time? Was it like

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Headaches.

Wednesday 24th February 1988   Morning surgery 09:40. We saw a lady this morning with one of those small children who can’t keep still. He sat on the chair by his Mum for about 30 seconds. My Dad smiled and said

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A wart right on the tip of a little girl’s nose.

Thursday 18th February 1988   Wart clinic 15:50. I have just frozen a wart right on the tip of a little girl’s nose. A bit of the spray went up her nostril. Awful!

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Verrucas.

Thursday 18th February 1988   Wart clinic 15:10. I didn’t realise that verrucas are the same as warts. It is just that they are stuck on the soles of people’s feet. They don’t seem to hurt so much when you freeze

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-200°c!

Thursday 18th February 1988   Wart clinic 15:00. My second wart clinic did not get off to a good start. I told the first patient that liquid nitrogen was -200°c and he burst into tears. We had to cancel his treatment.

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A bit more than a normal bladder infection.

Wednesday 10th February 1988  Morning Surgery 10:30. Mrs Valerie Vaughan was on pins. She had just come in and was standing in front of the door which she had not closed properly. “Take a seat, Mrs Vaughan.” “I can’t, doctor.”

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Wart clinic.

Thursday 4th February 1988   Wart clinic 15:00. We spent the afternoon freezing warts. I love doing that. I tested the stuff out on my own hand first. A small circle of skin went white, like ice. It stung. My dad

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Chicken pox.

Wednesday 27th January 1988   Morning surgery 09:20. Some children get awful chicken pox.

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Big white spots on her tonsils.

Wednesday 20th January 1988   Morning surgery 10:10. A lady that we saw this morning had not really had much of a sore throat but, after she had cleaned her teeth, noticed big white spots on her tonsils. Of course, she

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Waiting room 3.

Wednesday 13th January 1988   Waiting room 10:00. The receptionist announced that my Dad was running late. She apologised and explained that he had been dealing with a serious emergency. She wasn’t quite sure when he would finish. The elderly lady

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Waiting room 2.

Wednesday 13th January 1988   Waiting room 09:40. The nurse appeared to be the only person working efficiently this morning. She was taking bloods, calling patients through, one after another, and greeting each with a cheerful ‘Hallo!’ My Dad’s young assistant,

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Waiting room 1.

Wednesday 13th January 1988   Waiting room 09:00. My Dad decided that I should spend the morning sitting in the waiting room. I couldn’t see the point.

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Hot little children.

Wednesday 6th January 1988   Morning surgery 11:00. “The whole population seems to think that every child needs to see a doctor every time they get a temperature. I have had enough of seeing hot, little children this week.” My Dad

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categories

  • 1st January 1988 – Dennis' first post
  • 1st Year – 1988
  • 2nd Year – 1989
  • 3rd Year – 1990
  • 4th Year – 1991
  • 5th Year – 1992
  • 6th Year – 1993
  • Illustrated posts

links

  • visit: www.thewrongmedicine.com
  • visit: amanda summers illustration
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