Thursday 14th June 1990   Portmere Sports & Social Club 22.23

I thought that everyone had forgotten my 16th birthday, including Mrs Vaughan.

As it turned out, they had organised a surprise party for me at Portmere Sports and Social Club. My celebration had been incorporated into the Annual Charity Dinner and Dance Fundraiser with special guest speaker, Ifan Pushton. Ifan was a Portmere legend who had led the team to victory in the Welsh Cup for three consecutive seasons.

Ifan might have been a great midfielder but he was an awful speaker. His jokes were worse than my Dad’s and his changing room stories made us all feel sick. Declan lapped it up. His appearance for Portmere U14s had rekindled his hopes of a career as a professional player.

Some of my patients were there. Fred was leaning against the bar, staring into his empty pint glass. Emrys Roberts was selling raffle tickets. Mrs Vaughan was arguing about the new offside rule with Albert Boyce, the Chairman of the Referees’ Committee.

Phil Davies was lurking around. He slipped me my first ever half of bitter. I sort of enjoyed it but it did not go well with the chocolate buttercream birthday cake that Mum had made. He whispered hoarsely that he had a spare condom I could have. It was past it’s expiry date but should be fine in an emergency.

Phil seems to have adopted the same strategy for condoms that Dad uses for his adrenaline injections.

An evening with Ifan Pushton.
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